May again and inevitably I think about my father more and more.  His birthday is in a couple of weeks and Father’s day is right around the corner.   He died 17 years ago May 1st.  I remember it like yesterday, because it was such a vivid experience.  The memories, for the most part, bring joy to my heart.   Any sadness and unhappiness have long since faded to acceptance.

Last year, I wrote about my memories of my Dad, and I will re-post the link below.   This is a new year, so I am feeling what else comes up for me...

Humble, honest, simple, with a little bit of wildness buried down deep.  That wild spirit would surface usually when he drank.  There is no need for me to feel sadness or guilt about him anymore, for his spirit is free and living large and wild!  Nothing to hold him back or hold him down now. 

I have learned about unconditional love from this man.  To look past the personality and connect with the beautiful essence of who we really are.  To love deeply no matter what. To love and cherish always.  Never one to hold grudges or to bear animosity.  There is always more to us than what is visible on the outside.  His death has shown me how to stay connected with his eternal spirit, for love can never be broken.  That sweet, pure energy expands continuously. 

I remember over the years when he had retired and then gone into business for himself, how our family room would be filled with unusual things that he bought for re-sale.  There was the exciting italian motorcycle that graced our TV room before it found a new home!  Weird toy animals and figurines that I still have a couple of in my bookcase.  Light fixtures, carpeting and all kinds of neat tools.  In my years abroad in college, I would find myself in the dollar stores picking up things for his hardware store;  things that I felt he and his customers would appreciate.




I picked the picture of the jay up in the tree because it reminds me of this wooden raven that he brought home one day.  Light wood and quite ugly by the rest of the family’s subjective perspectives!  It graced his night-table until the day he died.  My mother probably wanted to pitch it out, but for some reason, she just let it be.  He bought it to help out the local vendor maybe, or he just took to the bird for some unknown reason.  I like that he was always interested in providing a “hand up” to people and animals.  

I love that my father enjoyed the money he made, not waiting until he was too old to appreciate it.  I love how he “spoiled” my mother, making her life easier.  I love all of the wonderful trips that we went on over and over again, even though my sister and I could be quite miserable and moody at times!  I like to think that I have long since outgrown that phase!  Okay, nobody say anything to the contrary!

I love that I had my father in my life and got to celebrate his and my mother’s Ruby wedding anniversary before he died.  Thanks for the sweet memories always and forever!

Memories of my father... (2009):

http://inducingconsciousness.gaia.com/blog/2008/5/memories_of_my_father

The silence awaits me,
Like a black, magic cloak.
Sheltering and protecting me,
Whilst turning everything to gold.

Love of one kind or another,
Steps through the door.
Smallness converts
To a great, unfathomable Spirit.

Weaving the way,
Through the wild,
Tangled bushes
And choppy seas.

Forging a light-filled path,
That is clear to the heart.
Paving the way home,
Into the silence

To open to the fire
And burn with
Fierce intensity.

To sit on the wide expanse
Of the sandy shores,
Waves caressing my soul.

To bask in the soothing breezes,
Listening to the rhapsody
Of rustling leaves.

To stare into the heavens
With its myriad of colours
And dancing stars.

To open to my heart’s call,
And live without pretense,
In the wilds of beyond.

To dance joyfully
Across the stage of my soul,
Embracing the star-studded night
Transforming darkness
Into a softly glowing light.